Making Friends with the Shadows
by TheQuietAwakening
Summary: At nine years of age, Luna watched her mother die. Devastated, she ran, desperately trying to escape the pain that had suddenly broken into her life. With her mother's final words sealed in her pocket, Luna finally builds the courage to read them - Written for Round 9 of QLFC


**Hello everyone! Here is another oneshot written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition! This round's theme was "I Am Woman" with my position, Chase 1's challenge, to write with the character Luna Lovegood. The three optional prompts I used were (song) Losing You - Dead by April, (setting) treehouse, and (quote) To light a candle is to cast a shadow. - Ursula K. Le Guin. Thanks so much for checking it out!**

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Luna ran.

She ran as fast as her little legs would take her, feeling her eyes burn with fresh tears, blurring the world around her. If she could get out of that house, escape the constant reminders of what had happened, maybe the agony would stop. Maybe the hole which had been ripped through her would suddenly close.

It didn't.

She couldn't turn off her mind and the image of her mother's body lying on the floor, broken by the power of the spell she was attempting, kept resurfacing. As hard as she tried to push it down, to pull it back to the depths where she wouldn't have to feel it anymore, the memory floated. Her mother's eyes kept staring at her, blank, lifeless.

Luna ran, but she couldn't escape. Her legs couldn't outrun her own memories. Every thought she had brought her back to that night only three days before. She knew she wasn't supposed to be there, that the things her mother was experimenting with were dangerous, but she went anyway. Luna had been curious, overhearing her mother talking about _this one_ , it was supposed to be spectacular.

It had been, for a moment, before Luna realized what was actually happening. There were so many colours, and the light was so pretty, it almost sparkled. She thought it had worked, that something amazing was occurring. Then, she saw the fear in her mother's eyes, the dread, the knowledge of what was to come. Luna saw the pretty colours and lights dancing back toward their master, saw them enter her body, saw her shake, heard the piercing shriek of agony, saw her crumple to the floor.

That horrible memory filled her mind. Luna just wanted to wake up, to realize that this all had been some terrible nightmare. She felt trapped in that terrifying dream. She couldn't get out!

Her breathing came in gasping breaths as she collapsed against the base of a tree. Luna sat there, knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her stomach as she sobbed. She couldn't escape. She never would. This wasn't a nightmare she could wake up from. This was reality. The pain stabbed through her like a knife with each breath, flooding her every sense, filling her with a darkness that felt inescapable.

How was she supposed to face the trials of life without her mother's encouraging words, without her warm hugs, without her guidance and wisdom?

Her father was a mess, rarely stepping foot outside his bedroom, and she could hear his constant wails from the next room. She had only seen him a couple times in the blur of misery after the event. With bloodshot eyes and shaking hands, he had given her a letter.

The letter.

Luna didn't want to think about that. She didn't have the strength to read it.

She felt so alone, vulnerable, empty, with no one left to protect her from the cold world she was heading into. Luna loved her father, but he was lost too. Mum was the glue that held everything together.

Luna felt alone in the world. All she wanted was one more hug, one more conversation, one more moment.

She stood on trembling legs, clinging to the rough bark of the tree. It wasn't any tree, and it was no coincidence her muscles had carried her there by their own volition. This was _their_ tree. Luna looked up at the wooden structure looming above her. Their treehouse. This was where her and Mum went to have, what she had called, girly chats and tea parties. The place was a reminder of happy times, which, for a very brief moment, replaced the recent trauma.

Wiping away the wetness from her cheeks and blinking back the tears that distorted her vision, Luna climbed from branch to branch, anxious to reach the top. Maybe this was the escape she had been hoping for, what would ease the pain, if only for a short time.

Pushing open the door at the bottom of the little wooden house, Luna almost expected to find her mother's smiling face waiting for her. But it was dark like everywhere else and the disappointment from that illogical hope brought the weight of everything else crashing upon her once again.

She fell to her knees, ignoring the sting as the rough wood caught on her flesh. Her entire being screamed how unfair this all was. It didn't make sense! It wasn't how things were supposed to be! Her mum was never coming back. Ever. She pounded the treehouse floor with her fist.

"It isn't fair!" she shouted into the silence. "It isn't fair!"

There was a fire burning her from the inside, but she didn't know how to put it out. In two years, her mum was supposed to be there to send her off on the train for her first year at Hogwarts. It was how it was meant to be! But now she was gone, and it didn't make sense.

Luna knew she needed to be strong, she was supposed to be strong. Mum always said she was strong. But now, she felt weak. How was she supposed to carry on feeling this way, with the pain weighing down on her, holding her to the ground?

From her father's weary and broken state to her own shattered self, she wondered, was this what grief looked like? Was this how it was supposed to feel?

With a shaky breath, she closed her eyes, wiping away new tears. Pulling herself toward the table, she dragged out the chair and let her body sink into the memory as she sat. In that moment, she could see her mother sitting in the chair across the table. Between them lay little cups and plates and a pot filled with tea. She could almost feel the warmth from the steam floating through the air, smell the sweet fragrance of the flowers and herbs steeping. Luna could see her mother through the eye of her memory, smiling.

" _Open it."_ The memory spoke.

" _Open what?"_ Luna asked, letting herself become immersed in the imaginary world around her.

Her mother laughed, though it sounded a bit sad.

 _"The letter. The one I wrote you a long time ago. The one that sits in your pocket at this very moment."_

Luna's hand came to rest over her jacket pocket. She hadn't wanted to open it, knowing how much more agony it might bring. Her father had said it was for her to read if anything ever happened to her mother.

" _Don't be afraid,"_ her mother told her. " _Everyone dies at some point, it's the natural order of things. I left the letter for you for a reason. Don't be afraid to open it."_

She was terrified. These were the last words she would ever read from her mother, and she didn't want it to be over. Once she read what was written on that page, there would be nothing more to come.

 _"Never forget how much I love you,"_ Mum said.

Luna swallowed, hot tears welling behind her closed lids. She would read it. She was ready.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, and the tea party disappeared. The chair across from her was empty and the darkness of the room seemed to devour her once again.

With quivering fingers, she pulled the envelope from her pocket and gently traced the front surface where her name was written in black ink. This was it, the last words from her mother.

Sucking in a deep breath, Luna broke the seal and pulled out the handwritten note:

 _My lovely Luna,_

 _If you are reading this, something has happened to me and I am gone. I know you are sad and scared and I am so sorry you are hurting. I am writing this letter in case I don't get to say goodbye._

 _I am so proud of you and the wonderful girl you have become. I wish I could have been there to see more of the amazing things I know you will achieve. You are strong Luna, even when you think yourself weak. You are brave, beautiful, intelligent, and do not let anyone tell you differently._

Luna sniffled and wiped her watery eyes with the back of one hand.

 _A wise soul once said "To light a candle is to cast a shadow." It speaks of the balance between light and dark, good and bad. There cannot be one without the other, Luna. Balance is necessary for the world to go on._

 _Something bad has happened, but don't be afraid of it. Bad things will happen, they always will, but they are also necessary for good to exist, and it will always shine. There is no such thing as a light that doesn't cast a shadow, or a shadow without a light. Look for it. Do not judge it, come with a perspective of curious acceptance. Learn about the balance, find the light and dwell within it, but acknowledge the shadow as a friend._

 _Luna, my Luna. I love you so much and I always will. I hope you know that we will not be apart forever. One day, we will meet again, we will dance in the fields, climb the trees, and have tea parties in their branches. Until then, I will always be watching over you._

 _With all my love,_

 _Mum_

Luna read the letter again and again until she had memorized every word. It wouldn't be forever, she would see her mother again, just like she said in the note. Mum was never wrong about that sort of thing.

She hugged the paper close to her chest as though she were hugging her mother one last time.

"I love you too, Mum," she whispered into the air.

The letter Luna had been terrified to read, changed everything. She left the treehouse feeling so much lighter and hopeful than when she had entered.

Mum said there was light whenever there was darkness, and she was going to find it. She was going to show Dad and then, he would feel better too. She would be brave, and strong, just like her mother said she was. All the darkness in the world, maybe it wasn't so scary after all.

Mum was always right.

As Luna ran back to the house, she whispered to the sky, "I promise, I will find the light, and will not be afraid of the shadows."


End file.
